It’s New Year’s Eve

Here I am again lighting the candles and pouring a glass of wine whilst I review the year.

As you know dear reader I always do this. There are many out there who are glad to see the back of this year. For me I feel different. To be honest this year has had its trails especially with Hubby’s health, but I’ve learnt a lot from this year of which I am grateful for. I feel that we are both been made stronger because of it.

For the first six months I battled with anxiety and depression. I saw a neurologist as I had constant  pins and needles. He put it down to anxiety and although I’ve not been back to the doctor experiencing pins and needles is the main symptom of General Anxiety Disorder.

Over this past year I’ve been slowly learning about me. I redid the Myers Brigg personality test and came to understand that really I need to embrace aspects of my personality. What some would class as weaknesses I can if wish improve on or accept that this is part of who I am.

I have also learnt what helps and does not help my depression and anxiety. I’ve learnt what triggers to try and avoid.  It’s not always easy but baby steps is what it’s all about.

This year has been full of babies. I lost count by Easter! There has been a new addition to the family. My sister is in the process of adopting a sibling for my niece. This will be legalised next year.

You would have thought that with all these babies I would have been busy knitting stuff but the anxiety robbed much of my focus and concentration that all I could cope with for a while was knitting little hexipuffs.  By September I felt that I could try knitting baby things but it’s been slow.

My theme for last year was supposed to be #yearofmaking – making I did. Maybe not in the way I thought.  This year’s theme is journey/travel. It was set roughly by August after I had booked the hotel for Cherish.

At Cherish God scored a strike.  After EVERYTHING I said to Him during that weekend Charlotte Gambill mentioned infertility and I went down. Now regular readers will know my issues are slightly different and of the decision, but that doesn’t switch off the what I am going to call “the maternal need” and the biological clock.  Boy have they been strong!  However I need to find a way to channel the maternal need in a constructive way.

This will be part of next year’s journey finding ways in which I can put my skills and the love I have in my heart to good (God) use. The journey includes actually doing some of my past aspirations and resolutions just to learn about what I am capable of! There is actual travel plans in place too. As well as Cherish there is a weekend away in Malaga and a week in Rome, plus trips round the UK – a busy year full of potential and opportunities.
Blessings πŸ™‚